Thursday (July 17th) - We met with the Breast Specialist for my follow up visit. She said that NO cancer was found in the removed breast tissue so that was a huge relief. We beat it before it could even get to me. We win! Woohoo! She said that I'm healing really well and that my scars look great, and that she'll see me in 6 months. We discussed the brick like feeling in my chest (they feel like two cinder blocks are always resting there because of the tightness of the expanders stretching the skin and muscle to make room for the implants), and she said that I would feel that way until the expansion was complete and the implants were put in place. I'm not going to lie, I don't look forward to these next few months of pain, but at least I know what to expect and I've accepted it.
We also discussed another issue that I haven't mentioned on here yet. Upon removing my bandages at the Plastic Surgeons office three days after surgery we noticed that my left nipple was black. Not blue, not purple, but black. We kept a close eye on it, and after three doctor visits, we think it will survive. I might lose part of it, but most of it should be ok. After all the debate of keeping my nipples or not, I certainly didn't want to lose one after surgery. Not one of the doctors verbally said "your nipple might die," but it didn't have to be said. So we prayed for my nipple to survive. A prayer I never thought I would say, but I've said many prayers this year that I thought I would never say so nothing surprises me anymore. I know that God hears us whether it be a big request or a small request.
Before the visit yesterday, my husband and I discussed the possibility of losing the nipple and if so, would I have the other one removed as well. I decided that I would keep the good one and he could call me Uno the rest of my life. By golly, if I can save one then I'll take one! But, thankfully we found out that both should survive just fine.
I chose to show this picture to let you visually see what I'm dealing with. Not for pity, but because I don't know that others would be this open on a journey such as this so I'm showing you the good and the bad. It's not easy, but if you look closely you will see something magical in this picture. Only one drain! Whoop! My last post mentioned getting a drain removed from both sides so only two are left to come out next week (I started with two on each side). The drains are painful. They hurt my ribs and they're uncomfortable all day long, but they are there for a purpose so I will deal with them. The scars aren't so bad, but that's because they're numb and I can't feel them. Both sides of my body look like this so both of my scars are at least 3" long, which is huge to me, but small to my doctor. These are the places that he will open back up at my final surgery to exchange the expanders for the implants. I've decided that since implants are called "fake" boobs then my expanders must be called "fake-fake" boobs since they're the step before getting my "fake" boobs. Seriously, if you can't laugh about this process then the pain will take over and you'll go downhill fast. I choose to rise above the ashes and make the most of this journey. Isaiah 61:3 says "to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
There's one other thing that I would like for you to notice in this picture. My tattoo. This is a tattoo of a fish hook and it's colored orange. We lost my father in law to Leukemia 4 years ago this month and I got this tattoo soon after his passing to remind me of the brave fight that he put up against cancer. He loved to fish and orange is the color that represents Leukemia. Darrell is a part of the strength that I pull from to get through these hard days. I feel like my journey is minimal in comparison to what he went through and for that reason I fight for him, and all of the other brave fighters that have gone before me. These are the true hero's.
On a lighter note, I wanted to show my hair picture this morning. I have to sleep on my back so this is what I usually look like when I get up. I'm pretty impressed with that kind of volume since my hair is usually flat. Oh, it's the little things my friends. Laughter is the best medicine.
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